Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
