i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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