can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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