Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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