Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
