There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
