3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
