remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
