were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
