umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You made out with two different species that night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
