bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
