Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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