You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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