I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
