Your dad touched me again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
