My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Randomize
