How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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