Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
