she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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