gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
