So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
