he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
