He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
