Nicole vs. Life
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
