Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
