People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
