Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize