3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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