I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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