i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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