THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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