Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
