..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think i peed on brittanys purse
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
