i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
