Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
