we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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