she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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