I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
