Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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