I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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