I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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