Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
