Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Banned from zoo.
Again?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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