Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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