Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
