i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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