remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
