Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
