so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They took my balls.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
