HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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