i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
