Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
