Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
