I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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