You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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