I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I smell like Dick and happiness
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
