This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
