I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
