If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
