Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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