my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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