this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
