I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
