it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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