My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
