The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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