god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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