And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need to align my fucking chakras
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
