I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
