Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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