Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
