I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
