Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize