There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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