oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize