Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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