it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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