Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize