So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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