How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
