Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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