First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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