Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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