i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
